On the Strategy Behind Appearing Normal

Because I want good food locally (as opposed to good local food, which I’d also like but I’m too realistic to expect it), I like to schmooze restaurateurs. I want them to add one–just one–entree to their menu that was prepared sans products of dead nonhuman animals. Is that much to ask? Of course don’t raise this topic until I’ve had a glass of their best wine or champagne. At least I’m paying for the opportunity to ask a question. They often point to the vegetarian entree, at which point I must skillfully, without making them look incorrect (which they are), clarify what I mean when I say vegan.

Here’s what I don’t say:

I want the entree to say that it’s appropriate for vegans so that people get used to seeing the word and associating it with an animal-free meal. I want them to realize it’s different from vegetarian, yet appropriate for vegetarians, who can just put some cheese on it and feel more at home. Above all, I want people to grasp that vegans might be–gasp!–at the table next to them. They don’t (all) live off the grid in the woods and grow their own food. They do, in fact, shave on occasion, and they don’t all smell of patchouli (I’ve more ylang ylang/sandalwood/vetiver/lemongrass). Some even color their gray hair (that would be me).

Look, I live in a place where most people don’t know what a vegan is. And these people are supposedly educated and reasonably cultured and well-read (though I think that might mean James Patterson). And when they hear what a vegan is, they instantaneously cut to an antiquated image that’s a hybrid flowerchild/Ted Kaczynski caricature, and there’s nothing I can do about that but provide an image with which to supplant the ridiculous combo grande they currently use to represent the notion of vegan.

Though I did spend years, pre-Sinead O’Connor, with a shaved head (1/8 inch), a left-ear full of tiny hoop earrings (nine, to be exact), and as a card-carrying member of the Socialist Party, I am now choosing to look just like everyone else in my town. (Actually, I’m trying to look better.) I want to demonstrate how alike I am, not how different I am (and evidently how vain I am).

And then, little-by-little, without fanfare, people notice my choices and actions and ask questions. They’re with a friend, so they don’t feel threatened. And I demand nothing, so they can’t feel intimidated.

To answer a couple of e-mails, yes I am aware of that adage that says
something like if you’re not liberal until you’re 40 you’re heartless,
but if you’re not conservative after 40 you’re stupid or unrealistic or
whatever. This doesn’t apply. I’m now a registered Independent, and I have many of the same values and beliefs I did 20 years ago. I’m just playing the game a little differently and wearing a different costume. I’m wearing a costume that appears to say, "I’m on your side." All I’m really doing is being disinterested in standing out. I still send a message, as we’re all sending messages all the time. But my message says "I’m a harmless suburban housewife."

Perhaps I’m more subversive now than ever before.