On Soup Kitchens for Dogs and Clueless Vets
One of the child-free couples we socialize with is composed of two veterinary surgeons. They share their home with five cats and two dogs, one of whom was a "foreclosure dog" brought to the local no kill. Dropping him off at the no kill was certainly better than dropping him elsewhere or completely abandoning him, and though we vegans believe that when you take an animal in it should be for her lifetime, you never know what's going on in someone's life that might make desperate measures necessary.
To deal with the financial crisis that's probably about to get worse in Berlin, a soup kitchen for dogs has opened, and I think it's a fantastic idea if it can prevent people from having to abandon the animals they care for.
Back to the vets though. They have seemingly infinite quantities of compassion for cats, dogs, sea lions, dolphins, and sharks, but the animals they have deemed "food" are entitled to exactly zero compassion. Then there are the animals they've worked with and have decided are "disgusting" (like llamas and camels). Every time we go out with them I am more fascinated by the behavior of the vets. The woman will say "It's just what we do. We eat chickens. They're yummy." Or "there's nothing wrong with eating shrimp." Categorically. Not "I don't think there's anything wrong with eating shrimp." Meanwhile, this is someone who cares deeply about sea turtles, and anyone who does knows the most important action you can take to help them is to not eat shrimp or lobster.
I was dizzy from all of the contradiction and judgment. Meanwhile, they try to get my husband to "cheat" (he has no interest), and have made their opinions about veganism clearly known (they think it's ridiculous). I've never let them have it and pointed out what's wrong with the way they think or the fact that they appear to stop halfway through their thoughts and not take them to their conclusions. I've never judged them the way they've judged me. I've looked for small opportunities to speak up for animals (yes, the non-vet speaking up for animals to the vets), and they're met with condescension, as if I'm a silly sentimental gal who doesn't know anything about animals. (They're the experts and know that all of my talk about sentience is misguided.)
When I walked in their house, they asked me if I voted for the "right" candidate (Obama), asked me why I'd throw my vote away (on Nader), then promptly inquired "How did you get this way?" (I responded that my parents raised me to think critically, question authority, and never follow the mainstream without analyzing its position first and deciding for myself what I wanted to do.)
Frankly, if I presented my critique of their lifestyle the way they have of mine, I have a feeling that no matter how diplomatic I was, we'd be seeing a lot less of them. But that's fine with me now, as I've reached my threshold. I'd be the "dogmatic, extreme, judgmental vegan" if I decided to stop holding my tongue. But there's no corollary for the rude omnivore who's dogmatic in her own way.
The double standard is an outrage to me.
I don't think the vets will take up much space on our social calendar in the future. I can't socialize with people who openly disrespect me but who would never stand for that kind of behavior from me. Some might say I should stick it out and try to convert them, particularly because they're vets. But that would involve dealing with their rudeness (that's always delivered with a smile and/or a chuckle), and I'm not a masochist.
Sometimes it's tough being surrounded by omnivores and trying to develop new and deep relationships with them. I've never surrounded myself only with people who agree with me, but there are moments when I think it would be a sorely-needed break from the monotony of judgment, denial and hypocrisy.
As a fellow vegan and Nader supporter, I have endured exactly the same sort of difficulties with people.
It is really frustrating trying to have meaningful relationships with omnis. I agree that it's probably best not to "convert" people, but to remain mild-mannered and acknowledge that some people are just too dogmatic to think critically. Making "friends" angry often isn't worth the consequences.
The soup kitchen for dogs is wonderful idea. Yes, there are those who take the responsibility of caring for their pet so seriously that they would sacrifice their own health/meal for the sake of their fur friend –
A bone to the dog is not charity.
Charity is the bone shared with the dog,
when you are just as hungry as the dog.
—Jack London
Your vet acquaintances sound so very typical… A little rude – and hypocritical… but hey, our chicken eating views are in the majority so we can get away with the verbal bullying. And if I could eavesdrop on their conversation about you when you're not around… I'm pretty sure they'd find (even in your silence) that you are unreasonable and too judgemental. You exist with your veganism… that alone is threat enough.
I'm beginning to grasp more and more that most of the time, if I need to see what "the right thing" to do is – I just observe what the majority is doing – and do the opposite. I know it's not a 100% formula… but it's pretty close.
Nothing is a better example of what omnivores can't handle than calling their "food" – "flesh"… Boy doesn't it hit the fan then! I don't know that I could tolerate my "friends" openly criticising my (moral) choices without recourse or defense. Maybe that's why the subjects of food, ethics, animals, politics, environmental destruction, world hunger, health issues never comes up. All conversation is reduced to the mundane, the trite, the chit-chat, and trivial small talk (yawn)…
I can never have more than a superficial friendship with omnivores because I can never be completely forthright with them. Part of me is always in the background making assessments and calculations about the best way to present vegansim. (Should I take a cold, rational approach? Should I feign a passive “live and let live” philosophy that lowers their defenses and lures them into asking question about my diet? Should I subtly direct the conversation to a topic that I know appeals to them, e.g. their environmentalism, that will give me an entrée into discussing the ecological component of veganism, etc. etc.) It’s hard to have a true friendship with someone you’re trying to manipulate. And of course we all know people like your vet friends who treat our beliefs with a sneering condescension or who act like our beliefs are an odd but endearing little quirk. I can’t help but despise people like this and it’s hard to be friends with people you despise.
Soup kitchen for dogs is an excellent, excellent idea. Everyone needs companionship and plenty of homeless people with dogs are fairly responsible care-givers. Elderly men particularly need companionship – loneliness among older men is a significant cause of suicide. So I'm all for keeping a "family" together by helping to feed both the humans and nonhumans.
"I'm not a masochist."
This is exactly the major trouble I have with some vegan education. There's a fine line between advocating for animals and becoming a social pariah. Everyone figures out where they're comfortable – me, personally, I can put up with a lot from people, and I'm fine in limited social settings with omnis. I rarely stir the pot in real life (online is another matter entirely). But truthfully, I don't consider anyone who doesn't care about animals as deeply as I do to be a true friend of mine. Certain core values are necessary to sustain my friendship and that's one. It means I'm very lonely at times (like when my husband is out of town) but that's just how I feel.
"they try to get my husband to 'cheat'"
That is infuriating. That behavior alone would ruin a friendship in my eyes. People who suggest that my husband only became vegetarian or vegan for my sake drive me nuts, but the ones who encourage him to breach our marital trust and his animal ethics, they are NOT friends, not by a long shot. Those are terrible people.
Conversion never really works – in religion, politics, or most anything that concerns human actions/emotions. People reach a plateau of commitment and then…nada. I am not a vegan by choice, although my family notes that over the last several years, my "tastes" have moved towards a less meat eating habit. That said however I find that some folks simply "relish egging on" the pro/con argument for the sake of reaction. Whatever.
I had floated the idea of "pet pantry" here in Orlando – and was amazed at the negative reactions I received. Folks saw it as cutting into the donations to animal rescue, while some thought it was setting a bad precedent putting animal welfare over people welfare. So now, a small group of us pool our monies together and buy food – for folks we know who would starve themselves in order to feed their animals. All are senior citizens – all on limited income. We've "adopted" these folks and their pets. The story of Berlin pet soup kitchen has inspired us to once again push our community to see and understand the animal/human connection.
I really loved this piece of writing, Mary, because you have expressed exactly what I feel and have experienced. I agree also how omnis think it is absolutely okay to ridicule you because of your beliefs, and then consider you the judgmental veg-head if you respond… even calmly to try and explain. I also get very angry when i hear from people 'what about humans? You have a responsibility to humans first'. I am actually a human rights lawyer, and have worked for human rights organizations, and the UN my whole career. So I choke when people notice nothing about me but what I choose not to eat and attack me for not caring for humanity. I ask them- what about YOU?
People have a truly amazing (horrifying?) ability to rationalize and compartmentalize their lives.
I work at an animal shelter that houses pets as well as farm animals (cows, pigs, chickens, etc.). My co-workers are generally not sympathetic to my veganism. And the least sympathetic ones are the people who work outdoors with the farm animals. We also have a bulletin board in the break room, where employees can post personal photographs. Our head veterinarian has a photograph of himself, riding a rodeo bull.
There is also a prominent veterinarian here in town who does pro bono wildlife rehabbing. In his off hours, he's an avid hunter — and makes no secret about his little "hobby".
The mind reels.
I'm about a third of the way done with a truly excellent book called, "Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts", by Carol Tavris and Elliott Aronson. The Amazon page is here:
http://www.amazon.com/Mistakes-Were-Made-But-Not/dp/0156033909/
This book should be read by everyone who does any sort of advocacy work. The authors explain how people are able to rationalize-away almost any bad decision, no matter how disastrous, including the most egregious ethical lapses. I'm not quite sure how to use this information to help promote veganism, but perhaps further in the book the authors will give tips on how to break through the wall of self-rationalization that envelopes all of us (and not just our enemies!).