On Conditional Love

Yesterday I promised to write about "Conditional" over at Alec's Story, and again, if you haven't read the blog I highly recommend it. The other idea that came out of it (perhaps for tomorrow) as well as my e-mails and conversations with another blogger, is the life of a person who cares for a special needs animal.

Nicole at Alec's Story writes:

That's a pet peeve of mine, too, along with "children are so honest!" (If you've ever seen the Bill Cosby bit about that, it's hilarious!)

When we adopted Violet Rays we knew she was diabetic and we chose her because we were told she was unlikely to be adopted (and had already been returned) and was living in a crate all day and night, just like at the track but at someone's house instead. We didn't adopt her so we could spoon with her at night or cuddle on the couch with her or have her be our trusted companion. And it's a good thing we viewed her that way because it took over four years to get even an inkling that she cared if we lived or died.

And we're still not sure.

Charles Hobson Booger, III, on the other hand, hangs on our every word and stares at us constantly. He needs to be touched, when we walk him he stays at our side, and he brings us toys to toss at him (he catches them and makes a neat pile of them all for some reason). When you toss a toy to Violet, she promptly takes it into another room and plays by herself. She throws it, catches it, and leaps around joyously with the toy. But she's also an alpha dog and Charles isn't.

Though I test Violet's blood sugar several times a day and give her her insulin and glaucoma medication and eye drops and eye gel, she is only mildly impressed with my dedication. Meanwhile, Charles thanks me all day long just for patting him on the head. If you call Charles' name, his ears perk up into full wombat, and he waits patiently for his instructions. When you call Violet's name her ears do perk up a bit, and if she feels like paying further attention to you she'll let you know.

Charles wants us to be with him, and Violet simply wants to be. When off leash and permitted to do anything, Charles wants to play racing games. Violet wants to explore on her own, roll around, leap, and do a couple of figure eights. She'll let you know when she's finished.

My angle on this pet peeve is my observation that many people adopt or buy an animal to satisfy a need they have. They want love, companionship, snuggling . . . unconditional love. This is the ultimate insult about this type commodification: buying love by proxy. And if they're not satisfied, they can return the animal and say "we never bonded." Is there an unwritten law that animals we purchase or even adopt are obligated to shower us with their unconditional love, or we have every right to return them?

We take an animal in because they need a safe, loving home where their needs can be met and they can enjoy (or not, depending on their disposition) the rest of their lives in comfort, without fear, and with plenty of appropriate stimulation. Not so they can boost our self esteem. If you have issues with self worth and want to feel loved, get a therapist and work all that out. But don't require that the animals in your care give you the type and amount of love you want.