How to Deal with a Gourmet Club
My adorable girlfriend Di, who recently went vegan with some of her family, has a bit of a challenge (and that’s an understatement). Prior to going vegan, she and her husband joined a gourmet club, and they forgot about it until last night. There are some people in the club who are important to them and their business, so pulling out isn’t really an option. Plus, it’s non-refundable and very expensive.
Their obvious problem is: How are they going to go and not eat? The food is prepared by some Executive Chef I should know of but don’t, the dinner is formal, and much of the conversation is likely to be about food. Oh, and I believe the location rotates among spectacular homes.
I was of absolutely no help whatsoever, providing the genius advice: There’s gotta be great wine there. Have a liquid dinner. (Meanwhile, I hadn’t the heart to inform her last night that not all wine is vegan. She changed so much about her life, practically overnight, already, and the wine thing might be too much right now.)
As I see it, she has four choices: bring her own food and explain, go and eat without explanation, go and explain and see if they can whip something up for her, or call in advance, explain, and see if they can make her an entree salad or something. No matter what, if she goes, she needs to be prepared for the inevitable conversation about HER food, rather than the food they’re supposed to be talking about, so it all seems impossible to me.
She could suggest one of the 10 dinners be a vegan one, I suppose, if the menus haven’t already been planned. That was my only reasonable suggestion (I don’t think she’s seriously considering the liquid dinner idea).
So there you have it. Is there any way to handle this where it won’t be uncomfortable and seem utterly ridiculous?
This story reminds me of a process that a lot of vegans go through: going cold tofurkey overnight. Then we wake up and have to get on with our lives. Oh, and then there's all of our friends and plans that aren't vegan and what do we do?
I remember the first fancy-schmancy dinner party I went to after becoming vegan. I didn't have the heart to inconvenience the host, so I ate crudite all night. But what I remember most about the evening was the pleasant company and conversation. People, yes, asked why I was eating celery sticks at a "gourmet" dinner party, and yes, I told them I was vegan; many people responded with a "right on!"—even though some sort of pig fat might have been dripping from the corners of their mouths.
This gourmet dinner club is only going to be the first of many "issues," and just like every other vegan who has to navigate this non-vegan landscape, it's probably best to remind your friend that it always works out. I am constantly surprised by how accomodating friends, chefs, etc., can be.
And you are certainly right: it's probably best not to mention the wine.
Dustin
And PS:
I meant to say that ALL of your suggestions are GREAT.
Dustin
I'd definitely go with calling the chef and having him or her prepare a vegan dish for her. Any chef worth their hat can be creative and should see it as a challenge they'd be interested in tackling. Sure, she will get questions, but that will come up anyway at some point, so she might as well answer them while eating something delicious!
Any of the options will work though!
Here's what I would do (and from extensive experience, I know that Lord knows not everyone does what I do, and I don't really go to dinner parties, but here goes anyway…). I would definitely call the Chef in advance and explain the situation in the most sincere and honest way possible. That will relieve much of the tension and pressure of arriving at the dinner party and having to explain things on the spot. And then I would OFFER to bring my own food. If the Chef then counteroffered making a vegan dinner specially for me, I would thank him profusely and buy him a bottle of fancy wine to give to him when I show up. And if the Chef's reaction was friendly enough, but he/she seemed at a loss when it came to knowledge about vegan food, I might even (gently and gingerly) clue him/her in as to what could be substituted for the dairy and meat in my specific dish (e.g., soymilk for milk, tofu for meat, etc.). I might even let him know where these foods could be acquired (but only if the Chef seemed genuinely interested and receptive to the idea). I would *think* most Chef's would be open to learning and exploring new ways of cooking.
If the Chef does not offer, than I would simply create an incredibly fabulous vegan dish for myself. And bring extra portions. So everyone can sample it and know that vegan food CAN be delicious and does not only consist of just lettuce and nuts.
Either way, inevitably, the other guests are going to be curious about her food and why it's different. That comes with the territory of being vegan. She might try to take it as an opportunity to share with others this new venture of veganism that she has embarked on. When you're a vegan, it's all good.
Deb directed me to: http://quarterlifecrisis.typepad.com/vegan_chai/2007/11/sometimes-peopl.html?cid=88769084#comment-88769084
where there's a great story about what happened when the author went to a business weekend as the only vegan and ended up having fabulous food made just for her. She called in advance and was very gracious and even volunteered to opt-out of some events. But all went delectably. I'm pointing my friend there (and here) today.
Thanks!
If the need to go is to make business contacts I suggest from experience one of two options. 1) Send your regrets and 2) go and eat what you are given. This is simply because carnivore business contacts will generally not respond well too requiring adjustments or other (from their perspective) 'strange behavior' like eating nothing and drinking a lot. You may end up actually doing harm to your networking–whereas an absence makes no real impression.
If the need to go is to get value for money, well–if I buy a movie ticket and the movie is rubbish, I leave. The only thing less sensible than throwing away money is paying to do something you don't enjoy.
If however you want to spread the vegan message and the cost and schmoosing be damned, that is another matter.
If I am paying my own way I ask for the vege option even when there clearly isn't one and end up having a $20 mashed potato and carrots dinner, if it is for work and I am surrounded by a bunch of meat industry execs I am their to network with for the business I eat and make my complaint by anonymous feedback form. That is clealry because I am placing my duty to my employer over my duty to the animals. But ultimately, that decision about priorities has to be faced and made, one way or the other. You can please everyone all the time and need to decide how far to go in the attempt.
Aye, whenever i get a 'special' vegan meal, it garners a lot of interest, and generally looks more appealing than what everyone else gets..and if a few quick 'vegan' responses are prepared ahead of time, like 'i'm happy just letting the animals be, and enjoy the food' can quickly defuse questions and arguments if one isn't interested in getting into a debate..