In Case You Didn’t Realize Animals are Slaves

I received my holiday Oxfam brochure yesterday, complete with a smaller brochure inserted that has a man (barely) holding (up) a large sheep, whose life by the way costs $45, and who is "The most popular product." The title is: Pick up an unexpected gift this holiday! The insert is green, because, you know, Oxfam is all about the environment.

Let’s deconstruct, but if you’re in a bad mood I suggest coming back later. Really.

• When you open it you discover that a life jacket is $18 and a camel is $175. It’s sort of J. Peterman-esque in its verbiage:

"Let’s face it: They froth at the mouth, they’re notoriously grumpy (I wonder why), and they bite. But what they lack in sweet temperament, they more than make up for in character! Camels are hard-working animals that (that) save lives. Give the animal that does it all to the loved one who (WHO) has it all. Camels can survive extreme weather, transport large volumes of drinking water, and be used to move families when they have to flee a disaster-stricken area."

If that isn’t the definition of a slave, I don’t know what is. They’re not viewed as individuals; they are things. And their value is dictated by how useful they are to people.

• Along with a $45 goat, you can buy a crocodile of $50 and a dozen chicks for $40. There’s nothing more creepy than seeing a photo of someone with a price beneath the photo.
• When you order them, they are referred to as "items." I was wondering about the crocodile, and learned:

"It’s not for everyone, but it’s a gift that’s got some bite! Help raise a crocodile in areas where the population has been depleted. This resilient reptile is more than just a jaw-gnashing croc; it also provides ecological and economic benefits–as well as food!"

At first I thought: How does the crocodile provide you with food? You’re not supposed to get that close to them! And then I was like: Duh.

• You can also, however, help someone start a business for $100. Now that sounds like a good idea–rather than buying a slave, do your own work.
• Go to www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com and don’t say I didn’t warn you. They definitely give Heifer International a run for their money when it comes to offensive.
• What I don’t get is that there are many worthy, necessary, non-sentient items, from mosquito nets to water purifiers to water jugs to water pumps to water trucks. And for becoming self sufficient, there are seeds, and you can even pay for irrigation or grow a quinoa crop. But remember the animals aren’t in a vacuum. Someone breeds them, they have to be shipped, they need veterinary care (you can pay for that, too). Those all represent expenses (and profits) of the animal slavery business.
• If you look at the value of the various living and non-living things for sale, you find that an emergency toilet costs $5 more than a goat. Something you relieve yourself in costs more than someone who relieves you (and who no doubt gets little relief for himself and never has his life to himself). The toilet was created–built–for the purpose of being used by people. And the goat was created–bred–for the purpose of being used by people.
• Perhaps most ironic, is that you can "Help a Farmer Speak Out" for $200:

"Tune in and turn it up! Help farmers speak out at important meetings held by groups like the World Trade Organization, where they can have a voice on trade issues that affect their ability to earn a living. Your support can help a small-scale farmer have a voice in these critical debates."

Here’s what I’ll give Oxfam my net worth for: "Speak Out for the Animals and Convince Oxfam to Get Out of the Animal Slavery Business."